Wit and Wisdom of Baseball

Wit and Wisdom of Baseball

 

 

 

 

[Jim Bouton] Herewith, our collection of the 25 most famous, insightful or funny quotes about Our National Pastime -- in order (says us): "You spend a good piece of your life gripping a baseball and in the end it turns out that it was the other way around all the time."

 

 

 

[Pete Rose] "I'd walk through hell in a gasoline suit to play baseball."

 

 

 

 

[Bill "Spaceman" Lee] "Baseball's a very simple game. All you have to do is sit on your butt, spit tobacco, and nod at the stupid things your manager says."

 

 

 

 

[Joe Schultz | (inset)] "Throw him low smoke and we'll go pound some Budweiser." -- the Seattle Pilots manager's one-size-fits-all advice to his pitchers, often cited in Jim Bouton's classic book, Ball Four .

 

 

 

 

[Dizzy Dean] "The good Lord was good to me. He gave me a strong body, a good right arm and a weak mind."

 

 

 

 

[Joe Garagiola] "I went through baseball as a player to be named later."

 

 

 

 

[Bob Uecker] "The way to catch a knuckleball is to wait until it stops rolling and then pick it up." Honorable mention: "I signed with the Milwaukee Braves for three thousand dollars. That bothered my dad at the time because he didn't have that kind of dough. But he eventually scraped it up."

 

 

 

 

[Vin Scully] "Andre Dawson has a bruised knee and is listed as day-to-day...Aren't we all?"

 

 

 

 

[Jerry Coleman] "Winfield goes back to the wall, he hits his head on the wall and it rolls off! It's rolling all the way back to second base. This is a terrible thing for the Padres."

 

 

 

 

[Mickey Rivers] "My goals are to hit .300, score 100 runs, and stay injury-prone." Honorable mention: "We'll do all right if we can capitalize on our mistakes."

 

 

 

 

[Ralph Kiner] "Cadillacs are down at the end of the bat." -- The Pirates' slugger on why he didn't choke up. Honorable mention: "If Casey Stengel were alive today, he'd be spinning in his grave."

 

 

 

 

[Joe DiMaggio] "I'd like to thank the good Lord for making me a Yankee."

 

 

 

 

[George Steinbrenner] "I won't be active in the day-to-day operations of the club at all." -- upon purchasing the Yankees in 1973. (He proceeded to become the most meddlesome owner in the history of sports.) Honorable mention: "Owning the Yankees is like owning the Mona Lisa."

 

 

 

 

[John McMullen | former Yankees co-owner] "There is nothing so limited as being a limited partner of George Steinbrenner."

 

 

 

[Graig Nettles] "When I was a little boy I wanted to be a baseball player and join the circus. With the Yankees, I've accomplished both."

 

 

 

 

[Larry Lucchino | Red Sox president] "The evil empire extends its tentacles even into Latin America." -- on the Yankees' signing of Cuban free agent pitcher Jose Contreras.

 

 

 

 

[Reggie Jackson] "I'm the straw that stirs the drink." Honorable mention: "The only reason I don't like playing in the World Series is I can't watch myself play."

 

 

 

 

[Tug McGraw] "You gotta believe!"

 

 

 

 

[Satchel Paige] "Don't look back, something might be gaining on you." Honorable mention: "My pitching philosophy is simple - keep the ball way from the bat."

 

 

 

 

[Casey Stengel] "Can't anybody here play this game?" -- to his lovably awful 1962 Mets, who went 40-120. Honorable mention: "Good pitching will always stop good hitting and vice-versa"

 

 

 

 

[Wee Willie Keeler] "I keep my eyes clear and I hit 'em where they ain't."

 

 

 

 

[Leo Durocher] "Nice guys finish last."

 

 

 

 

[Anonymous young fan] "Say it ain't so, Joe." -- to Chicago outfielder Shoeless Joe Jackson, who was accused of helping the "Black Sox" throw the 1919 World Series.

 

 

 

[Ernie Banks] "It's a great day for a ballgame. Let's play two!"

 

 

 

 

[Yogi Berra] "It ain't over `til it's over." The beloved Hall of Famer deserves his own gallery, but we'll also give honorable mention to: "Ninety percent of this game is half mental" and "If people don't want to come out the ballpark, how are you going to stop them?"